Don’t cry for Harambe

Harambe the gorilla was not shot for sport. Nor was he shot for food. He was shot in order to preserve the life of a four-year-old child, and if you are complaining about this very simple question of morality then please: do evolution a favour and eliminate yourself from the gene pool immediately.

The perilous incident occurred on Monday in a U.S zoo after the toddler had taken a 10 ft tumble from the railings of Harambe’s enclosure. The gorilla began acting aggressively towards the child and was promptly dispatched by security personnel. Footage of the ordeal went viral, and within minutes the phony outrage lynch mob were all over it.

Indeed, it had been several centuries since the dodo’s extinction, but finally, evil man had struck again. Candlelit vigils were held for the expired primate, and the fingers of blame were pointed at everything from the negligent parents, a lack of proper safety measures and even the very concept of zoos themselves. This was in spite of the fact that the child didn’t die –  he miraculously managed to escape with only minor injuries – and that the inquiry is yet to conclude who or what was at fault.

Perhaps it was just a mishap? After all, we all fell off climbing frames and monkey bars as youngsters didn’t we? Why should these parents be singled out for castigation just because we had the fortune of falling into a pile of wood chips rather than a terrarium home to a gigantic, 400 pound mauling machine? It doesn’t make you a careless guardian if an accident happens.

Even so, I imagine the zoo will erect a bigger fence in response, but regardless, this could’ve all been avoided if we didn’t capture and imprison animals in cages for our own enjoyment, right? Well probably, but you can kiss goodbye to any substantial conservation efforts if you want to ban zoos. What do you think provides the financial incentive for caring people to ensure the continued existence of inferior species like Harambe and his kin? Our admission fees of course.

Does anyone really think that the zookeepers wanted to destroy such a  majestic creature? And what mum or dad reading this doesn’t sympathise with the mother of the boy who has been so mercilessly harangued by the misanthropic cyber warriors? Saying that, I’m sure she’ll get over it, because thanks to the heroic actions of the gunman her son still has the rest of his very long life to look forward to. Who knows, maybe he’ll grow up to a vegetarian, tree-hugging, PETA card-carrier? I for one sincerely hope not, but three cheers for humanity all the same.


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